Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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