Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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