I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
