So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
