Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
