i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
