Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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