Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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