dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
