i permit you to call me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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