I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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