we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
