if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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