why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
