dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
