yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
