Got a toothbrush?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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