So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have aggressive nipples.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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