yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
