I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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