i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need moral support for this bender
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
