I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
