How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
