I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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