So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
