I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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