Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
