How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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