just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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