I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
