I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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