So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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