I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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