You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
