just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
