That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
