Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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