I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I currently don't understand fingers.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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