my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just googled if crying burns calories
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
