well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
