I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This baby is an asshole
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
