Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just want nice things and good sex
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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