Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
