I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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