My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
