If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
