One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
