so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
