I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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