I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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