aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
