I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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