The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
